It’s a question that has been asked among couples very often. People have always wondered what happens when the fun and games are over, or if there will ever be any more of it. If you’ve just had an amazing one-night stand with someone who you really enjoyed being around, then how do you maintain your relationship after it ends? Maintenance sex can take many forms. Some people want to continue having regular dates while others prefer not to see each other again. Whatever form you choose, remember that maintaining a healthy sexual relationship takes work! You need to find ways to keep things exciting and new in order to stay interested in your partner. Here are some ideas on how to get started…
Make sure you both still enjoy spending time together as much as before
One way to make this happen is to spend quality time alone with your partner instead of going out with friends. This gives you two options; either go somewhere quiet like a park or home where you won’t hear anyone else talking (or listening), or meet up at a place where everyone knows each other so no one will notice you’re there together. The advantage here is that you’ll have privacy and can talk about anything without worrying about anyone overhearing or witnessing what you say. Just because you’re in private doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t feel comfortable expressing yourself however. Try using role-playing techniques such as pretending to watch TV shows or movies you used to love watching together but haven’t seen recently, or pretend taking care of house chores etc. These may seem silly to start off with, but they help break down barriers between the two of you and give you something to look forward to doing together regularly.
Do activities you both enjoy
Whether you decide to try dancing lessons, enroll in martial arts classes, join a gym, learn Spanish, French, Italian, German, or whatever interests you, don’t forget to include your partner too. Doing something different from last time means that you’re all trying new experiences together which keeps things fresh and interesting. A change of scenery also helps. For example, I once took my girlfriend to her parents’ farmhouse in rural England – she’d never visited them before. We spent days exploring their gardens, fields and barns, getting dirty, eating delicious food we grew ourselves or bought from local markets, riding horses bareback, swimming in lakes nearby, walking along country lanes and even working on their old car engine. There was plenty of space to move around and explore our surroundings freely without feeling crowded by strangers or worried about bumping into someone unexpectedly. As well as making memories, these kinds of experiences help us to connect with our partners emotionally through shared memories, feelings and emotions. Try creating opportunities for yourselves to share those special moments together.
Give yourselves permission to experiment sexually
Sex isn’t exactly rocket science, but it does require proper communication and planning to avoid unwanted pregnancy/STD risks, emotional trauma and physical injury. And although most couples would agree that they’re happy with their current levels of intimacy, very few actually set aside time to discuss safer sex practices themselves. Most of us assume that we know enough already. But that could lead to problems later on if certain issues aren’t addressed now. Find out together what you both are open to experimenting with today, within reason. Take your time to figure out what feels right for both of you rather than rushing ahead blindly. In fact, many women tend to become aroused faster during intercourse than men, partly due to differences in hormone production. While you might think nothing of giving oral sex to your man, he probably wouldn’t mind receiving it himself. Or vice versa, maybe you’re fine with him masturbating in front of you, but you’d prefer not to show obvious signs of arousal unless you wanted him to stop. Watching other people having sex in real time can be good way to improve and learn. You can watch live sex and at the same time speak to your partner about new kinky things you see other people are doing and how they are having sex in real-time and great detail. Talking openly beforehand about what you both desire is important. Also consider discussing whether you’re okay with performing fellatio or cunnilingus on another person, especially if you’re uncomfortable with the idea. This may sound strange, but if done properly, it can heighten pleasure for both parties involved.
Keep track of progress
Keeping notes works wonders for helping you remember details from past times and plan future ones. Record your thoughts and observations about what worked well during previous encounters, what didn’t, why and what you hope to achieve next time. Then use these insights to inform your plans for the following session. Use color markers, sticky notes, post-it pads or similar items for recording information, and jot down specific questions and concerns you may wish to ask your lover or guide.
Be honest with yourselves and with each other
Although it can sometimes be tempting to lie about what you’re looking for, such deceptions only end badly for both parties concerned. Don’t worry though, honesty is usually best anyway – lying simply makes poor decisions easier. Tell your partner everything you intend to do during foreplay, penetration and orgasm. Explain what you want him/her to do for you, including verbal comments and signals. Discuss beforehand what you expect of his/her performance, body language, facial expression, breathing patterns, touching behavior, level of stimulation, speed and depth of thrusts, duration, frequency and type of sounds you’re willing to produce, length of ejaculation and so on. Once you reach agreement on all aspects of your encounter, write it down and stick it to the fridge door or mirror near your bed. Now every time you prepare for sleep, read through it and check that you’re both clear about what’s expected of each other.
Go beyond simple penetrative sex
Think outside the box when searching for creative ways to spice things up. Consider trying bondage or spanking scenes involving blindfolds, handcuffs, whips, sexy lingerie, costumes, candles, incense, shower gels, massage oils, vibrators, dildos, anal beads, nipple clamps, floggers, feathers, nun chucks and similar props. Experiment with masturbation positions, fantasies and fetishes. Masturbate together, play strip poker, role-play and incorporate kissing and fondling into your interactions. Add variety by engaging in sensual teasing, mutual masturbation, voyeurism, exhibitionist scenarios and other kinks. Remember to communicate clearly with your partner what turns you both on first thing, and encourage discussion about fantasy fulfilment (including safe words).
Have realistic expectations and goals
When setting limits for yourself and your partner, bear in mind that porn often depicts unrealistic situations and behaviors which are impossible to replicate perfectly. Many male viewers fantasize that their penis size magically increases overnight whereas real growth involves months of hard graft. Porn stars often appear younger and fitter than average, whilst most normal older males would struggle to put on weight quickly let alone bulk up physically. Female performers often look better naturally endowed than most guys imagine, yet it requires hours of practice to master complex dance moves correctly. To fully appreciate female sexuality, men should study erotic literature, magazines, art and photography containing nude models, plus attend adult education courses, workshops and seminars. They must also understand that female arousal depends largely upon psychological factors and mental states related to their individual personalities, moods, desires, worries, fears, attitudes, beliefs, values and aspirations.
Allow time for exploration and learning. Men often complain that sex becomes boring after repeated sessions. Women experience boredom sometimes too but it’s worth remembering that sexual activity gets easier with practice. Even a novice can eventually gain confidence and stamina after several weeks of regular training. After a period of adjustment, both sexes gradually discover what works best for them individually in terms of intensity, rhythm, speed, pressure, consistency and response types. However, most men overestimate their ability to please a woman immediately, expecting immediate satisfaction. On the flip side, some women believe that they’re able to perform miracles with little or no instruction. Unfortunately, it rarely pans out that way, mainly because inexperienced lovers lack knowledge of basic anatomy and physiology. Both sides need guidance from experts and trial and error. Everyone needs to be aware that sex starts building momentum towards climax long before actual penetration occurs. By focusing entirely on pleasing their partner, women risk missing key elements of pleasurable sex altogether. Likewise, men often rush straight into penetration without first establishing rapport and trust with their partners.
Share feedback and suggestions for improvement. Ask for ongoing reassurance that you’re appreciated and cared for. Encourage openness and frankness regarding personal preferences and limitations. Sharing intimate secrets with your loved one allows you to express your true selves safely without fear of judgement. Express yourself honestly to improve your own enjoyment of sex. You can even suggest changing bedroom furniture or lighting, introducing toys, switching roles or encouraging experimentation. If you’ve got kids, you can teach them about sex too. Children will respond far better to discussions on healthy relationships than crude jokes or images shown in films and TV shows. Parents should explain to children what sex entails, showing respect for human dignity and bodily integrity. Educate young boys about respecting girls’ boundaries, treating them gently and seeking parental approval prior to starting sexual relations. Girls should learn self-respect, good manners and etiquette, knowing when to refuse offers of casual sex.
Enjoy life together
Having sex frequently doesn’t guarantee happiness. Your relationship will grow stronger and healthier the longer